Men Think That They’re Stars

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The greatest thing a female can ever have is a man. Or so we’re told.

They tend to have the mindset that bestowing their attention upon a woman is like gifting her with life validation. My life must be incomplete, because I do not have any direct male attention. Boyfriend. Nope. Guy friend. Nope. Father. Not anymore.

My father has slandered my mother’s name to whomever he could get to listen. He claims that “the kids want their parents back together”, but my brother and I have had the most peace since he’s been out of the picture.    We don’t have to listen to someone threaten our mom’s well being and livelihood anymore.

Sadly, he stills thinks he’s done no wrong and that his apologies can make up for the last nineteen to twenty years. He’s a star, and he therefore makes my mother’s life worth meaning. It’s a male reversal, to say that she needs him. The truth is that he needs her so that he can leach off of her money and gynenergy. But those days are over, thank goodness.

No matter what a man does to a woman, he tends to walk away still feeling like she owes him. Buy you dinner? You owe me. Sell me your body? You owe me. Become pregnant by me? You owe me. Be physically harmed by me? You owe me. Get called a slut by me? You owe me.

They’re the A-listers on this red carpet. Women and girls are supposedly the accesories, backup dancers, extras, agents, assistants, cooks, baby sitters, sex slaves, and groupies. However, we will never be the directors, producers, etc. If that all makes sense.

They project their priviledges onto us, making it seem like buying dinner or a ring gives women the upper hand. They say that they do these things to earn that glorious moment when their woman spreads leg. But in reality, all roads of dealing with men lead to his penis. It’s all about his erection in the dating situations, the violent situtations, the times when you’re nothing more than a fetish. His satisfaction is the end-all-be-all of “romancing” and heterosexuality in general.

And for every ‘superficial woman’, ‘gold-digger’, ‘whore’, and ‘prude’, there are ten men pointing their fingers at her to deflect away from themselves. See?! Women are bad too. The shit they’ve done has nothing to do with patriarchal socialization created by men! We’re not so bad after all! They’re just as bad as us!

Not only are they special snowflakes–who are nothing like those other  men who rape, kill, degrade, imitate (but never duplicate), and impregnate–, they are stars. Superstars, shining bright in all their gold-star glory becaus they were nice to every woman they came across today. Sure, he might have ogled one of their asses and gone home to have a sexxay night with some porn, but he’s a good guy.

He respects the ladies. Treats them like queens. He’s got a wife and kids, as if that means something. He’s got a mother, a sister, an aunt, and a cousin. As if that means something. In the summer of 1995, he bought his pregnant girlfriend a BMW just weeks before their daughter was born! After years of assholery and abuse, the woman still owes him. Because he’s oh so special, erection and all.

He’s a star!  ★★★☆☆☆★★★

Oh and,
If I sound bitter, then #sorrynotsorry.

“Star No Star”

By Jack off Jill

I cannot distance myself
You were the one who believed
that only half of a girl
half more than you could deceive

I watch your face on TV
All that I am turns to fear
When you’re the boy that I want
I will be waiting right here

I don’t know what to believe
Sew up the sore make it fake
When you’re the boy that I want
I’ll be the girl that you hate

You end up dead in the end
Star no star
You end up right here my friend
Star no star
We end up dead in the end
Star no star
We end up right here my friend
Star no star

I can not distance myself
You were the one who believed
that only half of a girl
half you but never half me

I see your face on the street
Burnt hands but features so clear
When I’m the girl that you want
I will be waiting right here

I don’t know what to believe
peel all the scars from our way
When you’re the boy that I want
we will have one perfect day

You end up dead in the end
Star no Star
You end up right here my friend
Star no Star
We end up dead in the end
Star no Star
We end up right here my friend
Star no Star

I am so distant myself
I guess I never believed
that you could take it away
and I’d have no time to grieve

I don’t believe in TV
I don’t believe in the fear
When you are searching for stars
You will be looking right here

You end up dead in the end
Star no Star
You end up right here my friend
Star no Star
We end up dead in the end
Star no Star
We end up right here my friend
Star no Star

We end up right here my friend
Star no Star
We end up right here my friend
Star no Star
We end up right here my friend
Star no Star

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Say what?: Tumblr screencaps and how BDSM parallels with slavery

Oh tumblr, I always find the most interesting things on you.

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Sex-pozzies claim that BDSM is not abuse, because consent is the name of the game. Consent. Consent. And more consent. I am getting tired of that word. It’s being overused and misused as much as the words ‘bullying’ and ‘freedom of speech’.

I am currently taking a global connections class and we are on the topic of the trans-Atlantic slave trade. As we all know, the slaves were treated with cruelty and as lesser than animals just like females. They were tied up, chained, whipped, gagged, raped, impregnated, forced to work, and servants to the European masters and African kings for centuries.

Now, just look up at those pictures up there. The happy bdsm servants look like slaves. Depictions of slaves in the slavery times look like the submissives that participate (or are forced to participate) in bdsm. Most of those submissives are female (and I think most naturally imagine a woman to be the sex servant) and most dominants are male. Female dominants are a red herring to my argument, b-t-dubs. We all know men get off on playing the female role, they’re typically called autogynephiles.

How can you say that someone being obviously made to act as a slave is a legitimate part of healthy sexual relationships? I am in America as a result of slaves being traded for guns, alcohol, and tobacco. Being bound, spanked, gagged, and then fucked is not sexy. It’s not agreement, consent, or trust.

Men enjoy abusing us. I’ve seen it between my own parents. I’ve seen it in porn. At school. On tv. You name it.

The idea that abuse is sexy and good for women and girls is yet another male patriarchal reversal. Bdsm is just more visual proof of our role in life and proof of how men see us. We are fuckholes. Sex slaves. Destined to be dominated by a man.

It’s total bullshit. And it is so totally abuse.

Cis- and trans-structure molecules got me thinking

I spent the entierty of my chemistry class having to hear the words cis and trans today. As a female born female, I am considered cis-priveleged. Because supposedly, I am at an advantage in which my sex matches my prescribed gender. This is said to be important despite the fact that ALL females are oppressed in ways males are not no matter what they look like on the outside or what their personal beliefs may be. There is no such thing as “cis” females having an advantage.

In terms of my chem class, those terms referred to whether or not hydrogen atoms were on the same or opposite sides of a double-bonded molecule. Yay science.

Anyways, for 50 minutes I had to look at the word cis, which is a term taken by trans and other people and placed on anyone who isn’t trans or, at least, queer.

I don’t see how changing one’s gender or sex is not putting someone at an advantage. Transsexuals are physically changing their bodies to fit into a certain and very stereotypical expression of the gender or sex of woman. Autogynephiles get off on switching genders (or sex) and are actually accepted into female spaces while they mock what we are ‘supposed’ to be. Transgenders just put on women’s clothing and claim to be women. They claim to be better women than we  real women are. Because they perform these set and oppressive gender roles forced upon us. I could only see a male-bodied person who rightfully says he is a man, wearing whatever he wants (like a skirt and heels) as being someone who is going against what the patriarchy has created. Just like the women who eschew the harmful gender roles placed onto us at birth. Trans people seem to be just trying to fit in by claiming that wearing makeup makes them a woman. Not a man who likes to wear makeup. No, they’ll never say that.

If men created these roles, of course they can perform them better.

My bedroom was pink and frilly before I had even been born in August 1995. Months before. As long as I could remember, I had family members give me Barbie dolls and Disney princess apparel. By age five my curly hair had been relaxed and straightened. I was put in ballet classes and cheerleading, although fun and athletic they are not taken seriosuly as female-dominated sports (and yes, dance is a sport!). It was never an option but to be anything but a “girly girl”. My mom and other female family members applauded and encouraged me to use makeup, wear uncomfortable, sparkly, and colorful clothing, do my hair on a regular basis, and eventually start taking an interest in boy. Male family members made it a point to tell me how “pretty” I was. One gay uncle would ask if I was wearing a bra or carrying a purse every time he saw me (still creeps me out to this day).

When I was little I did enjoy my dolls (I directed movies with them) and dress up clothes (my fav princess was Mulan, because duh), but there were many times when I would tell my mom “I just want to wear normal clothes. Jeans and a t-shirt amd tennis shoes.”

It was never an active choice to do these stereotypically girly or womanly things. I began shving because I became insecure about my body hair. I saw porn videos and read that bulllshit cosmo magazine for years during middle and high school. I heard other teenage girls bragging about how they went “fully bare” from the neck down and teenage boys insult the existence of female body hair. It wasn’t until I ignored all the external socialization that I ditched the gender roles given to me. It was the socialization that had me believing that I was just doing what girls do. The girlhood many females share.

I am not female because of these stereotypical and materialistic things. They do not define my womanhood and femaleness. These prescribed roles only prove my oppression.

I am definitely NOT privledged. It is my biological makeup that keeps me at a disadvantage. No matter how I dress myself or carry myself, I am still just a woman. No matter what I do, I am still just a woman. And I always will be. And that will always be used against me.

No.

When you say that the want for an end to sex work hurts the choices of all those consenually involved, you are ignoring every woman’s (and sometimes man’s) testimonies of how harmful said ‘work’ is. Sex ‘work’ ruins people (read: women are people too), no matter how much you like to focus on the positives.

-_-    Just no.

PS: Does the idea of purchasing someone’s body parts for personal (and risky/dangerous) use not around totally disturbing? Seriously. Those consenual, happy, empowered, speshuuul people don’t make up for all that’s wrong with the mass sexual exploitation going on worldwide.

Like seriously. No.

Those are not women (womyn/wimmin/female/xx). Just no.

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↑ From thecallofthewild.tumblr.com

Drag queens make a mockery of what it “means” to be a female who has been lucky enough to make it to adulthood (i.e. A woman). Hair and makeup do not define us. The roles forced upon us do not define us. They oppress us.

Females rarely make an active choice to wear makeup. Especially if the act of applying it has been encourage since a girl’s years as a toddler (my three yr old cousin wears eyeshadow. Why? Because even before she was born her parents had her room decked out in pink and princess books. We’re given these roles before we are born.)

I know that I had begun to wear makeup because I had acne and blemishes on my face, and it is unacceptable for a woman’s face to have flaws. I used to wear eyeliner because, at the time, I thought it made me edgy and cool. When really, there’s nothing super special about wasting time every morning to rub chemicals onto my face. Thankfully, I’m done wasting my time worrying about what people think about my face.

Supposedly, being a female means having long styled hair, wearing tight inconvenient clothing, and wearing stuff that clogs the pores on your face. And from the makeup comes the products to reverse the effects of makeup (ex. Proactiv). From the tight clothing comes the purchase of handbags to compensate for a lack of pockets (then it’s easier for your belongings to be stolen), more money spent. If you look at the popular hairstyles for females, they all look the same for every type of hair (straight, curly, frizzy, etc) and that look is exemplified by Victoria’s Secret models. Long, wavy, glossy. Srsly, that style is everywhere.

Men who dress as gender-conforming women aren’t doing anything revolutionary. Because they put on a skirt and call it womanhood.

But how fuckable a female may or may not be does not define her. To be a woman is to be a biological female XX who is out of adolescence, that’s it. Our similar (tragic) experiences add to what it means to be a woman in the midst of oppression. Our biological and societal realities add to what it means to be a woman. Those are realities that a man (no matter what he wears) has not  experienced.

And to any male who says guys have it hard too, that’s not because you are a man. It’s probably because life is and can be hard in general, not because men as a class are oppressed. Newsflash: they aren’t.

Againstpornography.org: Women’s Testimonies

My heart breaks and my stomach churns. 

Women’s Testimonies 

“I am speaking for a group of women. We all live in Minneapolis and we all are former prostitutes. All of us feel very strongly about the relationship between pornography and prostitution. Many of us wanted to testify at this hearing but are unable because of the consequences of being identified as a former whore. This is absolutely incredible to me that prostitution is seen as a victimless activity… We have started to meet together to make sense of the abuse we have experienced in prostitution and how pornography endorses and legitimizes that abuse. These are some of our stories. The following has all happened to real women who are the exception because they have survived both pornography and prostitution… One of the very first commonalities we discovered as a group: we were all introduced to prostitution through pornography. There were no exceptions in our group, and we were all under eighteen… Pornography was our textbook. We learned the tricks of the trade by men exposing us to pornography and us trying to mimic what we saw… Before I go on — one might make the assumption that if a woman got involved with pornography and prostitution after she was eighteen, that she is a willing participant. And since the women I speak for were all underage when they began, it is easier to see them as victims. Personally, I feel this to be very dangerous. By talking to women who got involved with prostitution and pornography in their early twenties, the powerlessness and victimization they described and experienced is the same that younger women and children feel… One of us had the experience of being paid by a client to go to a house located in the 6th Ward. When she got there, she found a group of physically disabled men and a group of physically abled men. Everyone was watching pornographic films — movies of men fucking women, women doing oral sex on men, and women being penetrated by animals. The movies were played continuously… [T]he able-bodied men said they were going to show the handicapped men how “real men” do it. They forced the woman to enact simultaneously with the movie… Another story is, a woman met a man in a hotel room in the 5th Ward. When she got there she was tied up while sitting on a chair nude. She was gagged and left alone in the dark for what she believed to be an hour. The man returned with two other men. They burned her with cigarettes and attached nipple clips to her breasts. They had many S and M magazines with them and showed her many pictures of women appearing to consent, enjoy, and encourage this abuse. She was held for twelve hours, continously raped and beaten… Men would constantly want to do what they have seen in pornography. If pornography was not actually in the room with the client, there would be constant reference. One example is that a woman was in a room with two clients, one man told the other that he had seen some pictures of women who had shaved their pubic hair and that it had turned him on. They then proceeded with a jackknife to remove the woman’s pubic hairs, plucking and burning what the knife had missed. They made comments of how her hairless vagina reminded them of their young daughters’ genitals. They then, of course, engaged in intercourse… Women were forced constantly to enact specific scenes that men had witnessed in pornography. They would direct women to copy postures and poses of things they had seen in magazines and then they would take their own pictures of the women… It is very amazing to me what happens when a group of ex-prostitutes get together in one room and tell stories. One of the things we discovered was that the men we had serviced were very powerful men in this community. Especially interesting to us are the amounts of men involved in the media in this community that use prostitutes and pornography. These are the same men that perpetuate the myth that Minneapolis is a clean city with exceptional morals and a high quality of life… My wish is that you could see with my eyes just for a day how clear the relationship is between pornography and the systematic abuse of women… I would also like to say that I’m petrified and scared for young women today. I believe the pornography that is published today is more brutal and dangerous than when I was involved. And because I understand clearly the direct relationship between the material and the abuse of women, I am very terrified of the consequences of what that means… I also have a couple written testimonies of women who were not able to speak tonight for the reasons I already gave. [Reading first written testimony]: “I remember a house on Second Avenue South, near 22nd Street which I was asked to go to by a trick… It turned out to be the same house that my pimp had been urging me to go to where he told me young pretty girls could go and get tied up, beaten and burned with cigarettes, and earn $500 for a short half hour’s work. I had steadily refused to go, but when my pimp found out that I had been invited, so to speak, I had to go there… The woman who ran the place actually lived there with her children. She kept a room upstairs for the tricks to use. It had a projector to show porn films and there was stacks of pornographic material in the room. The tricks would go in there, look at the porn to get psyched up and then the girl would be sent into the room. The youngest girl I know about who went there was only 13… When I went into that room, the trick said that I was almost too old, but he was pleased with me because I looked young. He stripped me, tied me up, spread-eagled, on the bed so that I could not move and then began to caress me very gently. Then, when he thought that I was relaxed, he squeezed my nipple really hard. I did not react. He held up a porn magazine with a picture of a beaten woman and said, “I want you to look like that. I want you to hurt.” He then began beating me, and when I didn’t cry fast enough, he lit a cigarette and held it right above my breast for a long time before he burned me. I told him that as God was my witness, he had better kill me or untie me right now, because if he didn’t, I would turn him in to the police and that I would call his wife and tell his family about him. He believed me and let me go. But I know that this house continued to provide that service for those who could pay…” [Reading second written testimony]: “I was the main woman of a pimp who filmed sexual acts almost every night in our home. The dope man, who supplied us with cocaine for free in exchange for these arranged orgies, was a really freaky man who would do anything. They arranged to have women, who I assumed were forced to be there, have sex with dogs and filmed those acts. There were stacks of films all over the house, which my pimp used to blackmail people with… One morning I came downstairs in time to see a very young girl run naked out of the house. I found her friend, also naked, tied up in the closet. The one who ran away, after being forced to perform sexually all night, went to the police. I don’t know what my pimp did with the other girl. I do know that he kidnapped them and felt safe, because they were foreign and alone. The girl came back with the police, but nothing ever happened. My pimp continued to make films of people doing every kind of sex act in the living room of our home…” 

We (women) are not making this up. You can’t make this stuff up.