Say what?: Tumblr screencaps and how BDSM parallels with slavery

Oh tumblr, I always find the most interesting things on you.

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Sex-pozzies claim that BDSM is not abuse, because consent is the name of the game. Consent. Consent. And more consent. I am getting tired of that word. It’s being overused and misused as much as the words ‘bullying’ and ‘freedom of speech’.

I am currently taking a global connections class and we are on the topic of the trans-Atlantic slave trade. As we all know, the slaves were treated with cruelty and as lesser than animals just like females. They were tied up, chained, whipped, gagged, raped, impregnated, forced to work, and servants to the European masters and African kings for centuries.

Now, just look up at those pictures up there. The happy bdsm servants look like slaves. Depictions of slaves in the slavery times look like the submissives that participate (or are forced to participate) in bdsm. Most of those submissives are female (and I think most naturally imagine a woman to be the sex servant) and most dominants are male. Female dominants are a red herring to my argument, b-t-dubs. We all know men get off on playing the female role, they’re typically called autogynephiles.

How can you say that someone being obviously made to act as a slave is a legitimate part of healthy sexual relationships? I am in America as a result of slaves being traded for guns, alcohol, and tobacco. Being bound, spanked, gagged, and then fucked is not sexy. It’s not agreement, consent, or trust.

Men enjoy abusing us. I’ve seen it between my own parents. I’ve seen it in porn. At school. On tv. You name it.

The idea that abuse is sexy and good for women and girls is yet another male patriarchal reversal. Bdsm is just more visual proof of our role in life and proof of how men see us. We are fuckholes. Sex slaves. Destined to be dominated by a man.

It’s total bullshit. And it is so totally abuse.

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There Is Something Wrong With You

ann tagonist

Dr Pamela Stephenson is a psychotherapist who specializes in treating sexual disorders. You would think that would mean she spends her time counseling men who like to fuck cheese and things of that nature but what Dr Stephenson actually does is write a weekly sex advice column in The Guardian where she spends most of her time trying to persuade women to lie back and think of England when they express feelings of not wanting to be fucked.

Today, a woman wrote to Dr Stephenson saying that after she has sex with a man, whether it’s a casual fling or a serious relationship, she feels disgust towards him. She states that these feelings “fade into the background” if she’s dating the man for a long time but they never fully go away. So this woman spends her relationships having sex with men who disgust her.

I’m not a sex therapist…

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Cis- and trans-structure molecules got me thinking

I spent the entierty of my chemistry class having to hear the words cis and trans today. As a female born female, I am considered cis-priveleged. Because supposedly, I am at an advantage in which my sex matches my prescribed gender. This is said to be important despite the fact that ALL females are oppressed in ways males are not no matter what they look like on the outside or what their personal beliefs may be. There is no such thing as “cis” females having an advantage.

In terms of my chem class, those terms referred to whether or not hydrogen atoms were on the same or opposite sides of a double-bonded molecule. Yay science.

Anyways, for 50 minutes I had to look at the word cis, which is a term taken by trans and other people and placed on anyone who isn’t trans or, at least, queer.

I don’t see how changing one’s gender or sex is not putting someone at an advantage. Transsexuals are physically changing their bodies to fit into a certain and very stereotypical expression of the gender or sex of woman. Autogynephiles get off on switching genders (or sex) and are actually accepted into female spaces while they mock what we are ‘supposed’ to be. Transgenders just put on women’s clothing and claim to be women. They claim to be better women than we  real women are. Because they perform these set and oppressive gender roles forced upon us. I could only see a male-bodied person who rightfully says he is a man, wearing whatever he wants (like a skirt and heels) as being someone who is going against what the patriarchy has created. Just like the women who eschew the harmful gender roles placed onto us at birth. Trans people seem to be just trying to fit in by claiming that wearing makeup makes them a woman. Not a man who likes to wear makeup. No, they’ll never say that.

If men created these roles, of course they can perform them better.

My bedroom was pink and frilly before I had even been born in August 1995. Months before. As long as I could remember, I had family members give me Barbie dolls and Disney princess apparel. By age five my curly hair had been relaxed and straightened. I was put in ballet classes and cheerleading, although fun and athletic they are not taken seriosuly as female-dominated sports (and yes, dance is a sport!). It was never an option but to be anything but a “girly girl”. My mom and other female family members applauded and encouraged me to use makeup, wear uncomfortable, sparkly, and colorful clothing, do my hair on a regular basis, and eventually start taking an interest in boy. Male family members made it a point to tell me how “pretty” I was. One gay uncle would ask if I was wearing a bra or carrying a purse every time he saw me (still creeps me out to this day).

When I was little I did enjoy my dolls (I directed movies with them) and dress up clothes (my fav princess was Mulan, because duh), but there were many times when I would tell my mom “I just want to wear normal clothes. Jeans and a t-shirt amd tennis shoes.”

It was never an active choice to do these stereotypically girly or womanly things. I began shving because I became insecure about my body hair. I saw porn videos and read that bulllshit cosmo magazine for years during middle and high school. I heard other teenage girls bragging about how they went “fully bare” from the neck down and teenage boys insult the existence of female body hair. It wasn’t until I ignored all the external socialization that I ditched the gender roles given to me. It was the socialization that had me believing that I was just doing what girls do. The girlhood many females share.

I am not female because of these stereotypical and materialistic things. They do not define my womanhood and femaleness. These prescribed roles only prove my oppression.

I am definitely NOT privledged. It is my biological makeup that keeps me at a disadvantage. No matter how I dress myself or carry myself, I am still just a woman. No matter what I do, I am still just a woman. And I always will be. And that will always be used against me.

Let Me Slip Into Something A Little Less Comfortable

ann tagonist

In our world, “sex” means fucking. It means a man inserting his penis into a woman’s vagina until he ejaculates. After the man ejaculates, the sex is finished. Anything that precedes the man putting his penis into the woman’s vagina is referred to as “foreplay” and anything that happens after the man has ejaculated and is no longer physically able to penetrate the woman with his penis, is “afterplay.” So, for women, “having sex” is being vaginally penetrated by a man’s penis. Women are expected to “have sex” – or PIV – throughout most of their lives and aren’t really offered any alternatives. If they want to be in a relationship with a man, that man is going to expect sex and PIV is sex.

It is in this context that girls grow up so… let’s talk about sex.

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QotD on demisexuality

Anti-Porn Feminists

tbh, i find the emergence of the concept of demisexuality very interesting, and i’m partial to thinking it’s a symptom of hypersexualized patriarchal culture that demands full sexual availability of women. wanting to develop an emotional bond before having sex is actually a very common and even normative thing, yet nowadays women seem to be under so much pressure to have casual sex that they strongly identify with demisexuality to justify the limits of their sexual comfort zone.

i wonder how the idea that not wanting to have sex with people you don’t know well needs its own label might be connected with the “sex-positive” movement and its ideas of “sexual empowerment”. we’ve conceptualized being sexual (as opposed to “half-sexual”) in very strict terms and reached a point where certain sexual behaviours, such as casual sex, are not just seen as normal and accepted but actually positioned as a required…

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“Hell hath no fury like men deprived of their porn.”

Currently reading Without Apology by Jaqueline Homan. $5.99 on Amazon and well worth the read.

Some Qoutes:

In all the “debates” about removing the stigma from prostituted women by legalizing prostitution and calling it a “job”, the voices of exited women get drowned out because our realities and lived experiences collide most uncomfortably with man’s penis interests.

And these same “fine, upstanding ” men, who thought nothing of terrorizing female co-workers, often tucked their own little daughters into bed at night and kissed their wives each day before leaving for work, telling them “I love you” with no thought for the way they discriminated against and sexually harassed someone else’s daughter who was just as deserving of a good job as themselves. They had no thought about that while they raped someone else’s daughter just because she was poor and without any options. If these men love their own wives and daughters, it is a selfish and possessive kind of love; the kind of love for a toy that boosts male status, like a Lamborghini. It’s an “I love you for my benefit”, not an “I love you for your benefit.

Women have been educating men on the injustices of patriarchy for 6,000 years. It’s not like men don’t know that what they’re doing to women is wrong . They know . They always knew. They just don’t care

I could honestly post every sentence. Her analysis of poverty, prositution, abortion, trafficking, etc., and the flaws in sex-pozzie liberal and the conservative right’s arguments is amazing. Literally had to tear myself away from Kindle to post this.