Identifying versus existing

thentheysaidburnher

?identify? is a kind of a weird and pointless way to talk about what makes you female. I?ve never once thought about identifying as my actual literal physical form. It?s like saying you identifying as a brain in a meat suit with a super intelligent gut. You don?t have to acknowledge how you feel about it, it is just it. We just are. I am a woman. My relationship with gender only relates to being a woman in that gender = gender roles and those are enforced on both sexes (and often violently enforced on intersex people like having vaginal canals stretched brutally year after year from birth to accommodate a penis, thanks again to compulsory heterosexuality), but women get the inferior gender roles because men made up a whole lot of lies and excuses to control us and maintain their power.

Appearing as something does not make you something…

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On leaving the trans cult

Purple Sage

When I came out as a lesbian, it was during the time of inclusion, when more and more letters were being added to the LGBTQ alphabet soup because every sexual minority needed representation. It seemed obvious that we should include everyone—since we face ostracism ourselves we know how awful it is to be excluded. We wanted social justice, we wanted love and respect for all minorities. No matter what new letter was added to the “queer” acronym, we included them without question. I met people of all sorts during my time in university—gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, transsexuals, asexuals, gender fluid people, etc. I believed in us working together and gaining acceptance from straight people. During this time I also started learning about feminism. At first, the various feminist bloggers I was reading didn’t seem so different from each other. But over the last few years, we have become divided by…

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When “Equality” Trumps the Fight for the Liberation of Females

I have not posted in a long while. So obviously, I have not been writing, but instead reading and absorbing. And I think I’m better at soaking up radfem thought more so than writing my own commentary. With each day, I become more aware, more enlightened….I guess you could say. I also go through periods of being hopeful at one moment and depressed during another. Is there hope for biological females?

I now walk around, vigilant to a degree of being near paranoid, because I am painfully of what happens to females, of what happens to black females, of what could happen to me or any female dear to my heart. The odds have never been in our favor. Not for a very very long time.

With trans/gender/queer ideology, the useless cause that is choice or liberal feminism, my government trying to control my body, and the rest of the endless list of issues shaping female lives, I am incredibly frustrated. Is there a reason to have hope? I don’t know. We are being erased all over again, our lives and our truths. Just like the terrors faced decades ago by the African-American people are being faced yet again in 2015. Yes, such a progressive world we live in, when biological sex is becoming a construct and gender is becoming innate. When woman= anyone who feels like one.

Ten steps forward and 100 steps back is what it looks like.

I am a part of a fan forum for a certain recording artist. Someone asked if the song she will be releasing tomorrow is ‘feminist’. Many comments (posted by males and females alike, but mostly male fans) said that since the song was about girl power and not equality they could not call the song ‘feminist’.

My headache only grows at this point. Feminism has been trampled upon and morphed into being about ‘equality’. Equality for whom? When did it become a crime to name the culprit (males) and the victim (females)? When did feminism stop being about females? Biological females who are oppressed, tortured, ignored, impregnated, sold, bought, and killed because we are female.

Equality be damned. It is not about equality when males feel like they are being attacked when women get on their level, when women ‘grow some balls’ and try to navigate their way through life like men, AND when they feel like their male privilege is taken away in some aspect just so women can have an iota of the opportunities they have. They will never be pleased, so therefore feminism can never be about equality. It can never be about catering to men to soothe their egos and consciences while women and girls pretend like our issues dropped out of the sky rather than out of men’s minds, hands, ejaculatory ducts, and mouths.

Naming the culprit is liberating. Females need liberation. Not equality. I do not want to be equal to men in a patriarchal society. That is not the key to fixing our problems as women.

One comment claimed that feminism is inherently sexist because it makes men out to be the bad guy (newsflash: they are) and that it shouldn’t focus only on women in order to tear men down.

I weep for a movement lost. As long as radical feminism is a minority and is written off as the ‘crazy’ side of feminism, then the endless loop of equality and choice talk will continue and females as a class will go nowhere as males will only keep doing whatever they want.

Feminism =/= equality.

And btw, the song I referred to is not feminist. Libfems would call it empowering, but the song (not unusual for popular music) places value in being a ‘girl’ who is ‘pretty’. Even though it does have a tongue-in-cheek way of calling men creeps who can’t take a hint. So, there’s that….

Segregated via Socialization

I’m currently waiting to enter my next class. In front of me, a door opens to another lecture hall, all full of males. It’s probably some higher level math or science course. Males have made it so that they dominate those fields, meanwhile discouriging women from wanting pursue such areas of education.

I’m a pre-nursing major (for now). And there is only a handful of males in the corresponding chemistry course for aspiring nursing majors. My biology class is mostly female, and so was algebra last semester.

Not often, or ever, do I hear of a female engineer or chemist. Female game developers are far and few between, and also discriminated against.

Women and girls are purposefully underestimated. Have been for centuries (millenia, if you count how long the patriarchy has been in place). We are socialized to be seen as inferior, to be inferior. And that is reflected in schools everywhere. If it’s not traditionally seen as woman’s work, then women don’t participate often. But there are men in just about every career and sport.

I am debating between becoming a nurse-midwife or a nurse-anesthetist. One assists women during pregnancy and childbirth (and has such a long, brave history) and the other is career in which I assist people before and after major surgeries, dental care, etc. Both pay well (and yes, money matters to me, living in this world) but I don’t know which will be the job I can wake up to every morning and be happy.

Going into actual, full-fledged adulthood, I just want to be happy, or more so content. Ever since I found radical feminism, I walk around with a critical eye and proceed with caution. I can’t unsee what I’ve learned to spot out. And with midwifery, practically a female-specific career, I will be actively helping females go through something that is specific to our bodies, and ours alone. No medical interventions, no sterile hospital room, no morgue six stories below the labor and ‘delivery’ floor (qouted because you can’t really deliver someone else’s baby, I don’t believe). I actually hate hospitals for childbrith. A place where people suffer, and oftentimes do not get better, is not the place to welcome life.

But I digress. I saw a room full of dudes and felt some type of way (see: frustrated). Made me want to blog.

Please excuse any typos.

Men Think That They’re Stars

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The greatest thing a female can ever have is a man. Or so we’re told.

They tend to have the mindset that bestowing their attention upon a woman is like gifting her with life validation. My life must be incomplete, because I do not have any direct male attention. Boyfriend. Nope. Guy friend. Nope. Father. Not anymore.

My father has slandered my mother’s name to whomever he could get to listen. He claims that “the kids want their parents back together”, but my brother and I have had the most peace since he’s been out of the picture.    We don’t have to listen to someone threaten our mom’s well being and livelihood anymore.

Sadly, he stills thinks he’s done no wrong and that his apologies can make up for the last nineteen to twenty years. He’s a star, and he therefore makes my mother’s life worth meaning. It’s a male reversal, to say that she needs him. The truth is that he needs her so that he can leach off of her money and gynenergy. But those days are over, thank goodness.

No matter what a man does to a woman, he tends to walk away still feeling like she owes him. Buy you dinner? You owe me. Sell me your body? You owe me. Become pregnant by me? You owe me. Be physically harmed by me? You owe me. Get called a slut by me? You owe me.

They’re the A-listers on this red carpet. Women and girls are supposedly the accesories, backup dancers, extras, agents, assistants, cooks, baby sitters, sex slaves, and groupies. However, we will never be the directors, producers, etc. If that all makes sense.

They project their priviledges onto us, making it seem like buying dinner or a ring gives women the upper hand. They say that they do these things to earn that glorious moment when their woman spreads leg. But in reality, all roads of dealing with men lead to his penis. It’s all about his erection in the dating situations, the violent situtations, the times when you’re nothing more than a fetish. His satisfaction is the end-all-be-all of “romancing” and heterosexuality in general.

And for every ‘superficial woman’, ‘gold-digger’, ‘whore’, and ‘prude’, there are ten men pointing their fingers at her to deflect away from themselves. See?! Women are bad too. The shit they’ve done has nothing to do with patriarchal socialization created by men! We’re not so bad after all! They’re just as bad as us!

Not only are they special snowflakes–who are nothing like those other  men who rape, kill, degrade, imitate (but never duplicate), and impregnate–, they are stars. Superstars, shining bright in all their gold-star glory becaus they were nice to every woman they came across today. Sure, he might have ogled one of their asses and gone home to have a sexxay night with some porn, but he’s a good guy.

He respects the ladies. Treats them like queens. He’s got a wife and kids, as if that means something. He’s got a mother, a sister, an aunt, and a cousin. As if that means something. In the summer of 1995, he bought his pregnant girlfriend a BMW just weeks before their daughter was born! After years of assholery and abuse, the woman still owes him. Because he’s oh so special, erection and all.

He’s a star!  ★★★☆☆☆★★★

Oh and,
If I sound bitter, then #sorrynotsorry.

“Star No Star”

By Jack off Jill

I cannot distance myself
You were the one who believed
that only half of a girl
half more than you could deceive

I watch your face on TV
All that I am turns to fear
When you’re the boy that I want
I will be waiting right here

I don’t know what to believe
Sew up the sore make it fake
When you’re the boy that I want
I’ll be the girl that you hate

You end up dead in the end
Star no star
You end up right here my friend
Star no star
We end up dead in the end
Star no star
We end up right here my friend
Star no star

I can not distance myself
You were the one who believed
that only half of a girl
half you but never half me

I see your face on the street
Burnt hands but features so clear
When I’m the girl that you want
I will be waiting right here

I don’t know what to believe
peel all the scars from our way
When you’re the boy that I want
we will have one perfect day

You end up dead in the end
Star no Star
You end up right here my friend
Star no Star
We end up dead in the end
Star no Star
We end up right here my friend
Star no Star

I am so distant myself
I guess I never believed
that you could take it away
and I’d have no time to grieve

I don’t believe in TV
I don’t believe in the fear
When you are searching for stars
You will be looking right here

You end up dead in the end
Star no Star
You end up right here my friend
Star no Star
We end up dead in the end
Star no Star
We end up right here my friend
Star no Star

We end up right here my friend
Star no Star
We end up right here my friend
Star no Star
We end up right here my friend
Star no Star

Say what?: Tumblr screencaps and how BDSM parallels with slavery

Oh tumblr, I always find the most interesting things on you.

image

image

Sex-pozzies claim that BDSM is not abuse, because consent is the name of the game. Consent. Consent. And more consent. I am getting tired of that word. It’s being overused and misused as much as the words ‘bullying’ and ‘freedom of speech’.

I am currently taking a global connections class and we are on the topic of the trans-Atlantic slave trade. As we all know, the slaves were treated with cruelty and as lesser than animals just like females. They were tied up, chained, whipped, gagged, raped, impregnated, forced to work, and servants to the European masters and African kings for centuries.

Now, just look up at those pictures up there. The happy bdsm servants look like slaves. Depictions of slaves in the slavery times look like the submissives that participate (or are forced to participate) in bdsm. Most of those submissives are female (and I think most naturally imagine a woman to be the sex servant) and most dominants are male. Female dominants are a red herring to my argument, b-t-dubs. We all know men get off on playing the female role, they’re typically called autogynephiles.

How can you say that someone being obviously made to act as a slave is a legitimate part of healthy sexual relationships? I am in America as a result of slaves being traded for guns, alcohol, and tobacco. Being bound, spanked, gagged, and then fucked is not sexy. It’s not agreement, consent, or trust.

Men enjoy abusing us. I’ve seen it between my own parents. I’ve seen it in porn. At school. On tv. You name it.

The idea that abuse is sexy and good for women and girls is yet another male patriarchal reversal. Bdsm is just more visual proof of our role in life and proof of how men see us. We are fuckholes. Sex slaves. Destined to be dominated by a man.

It’s total bullshit. And it is so totally abuse.

There Is Something Wrong With You

ann tagonist

Dr Pamela Stephenson is a psychotherapist who specializes in treating sexual disorders. You would think that would mean she spends her time counseling men who like to fuck cheese and things of that nature but what Dr Stephenson actually does is write a weekly sex advice column in The Guardian where she spends most of her time trying to persuade women to lie back and think of England when they express feelings of not wanting to be fucked.

Today, a woman wrote to Dr Stephenson saying that after she has sex with a man, whether it’s a casual fling or a serious relationship, she feels disgust towards him. She states that these feelings “fade into the background” if she’s dating the man for a long time but they never fully go away. So this woman spends her relationships having sex with men who disgust her.

I’m not a sex therapist…

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